I had an interesting discussion with my older brother the other night about our polictical differences. He is a staunch Southern Baptist, very conservative and a great friend and brother. We don't often talk politics, we have learned over time to agree to disagree. I found it interesting to hear him talk about why he feels the way he does about our country and the direction it is going. I listened respectfully and even agreed with some of the points he made. I think he was hoping I might be persuaded to join the dark side (vote Republican :P} and I really tried for the first time to explain my reasons for thinking and voting the way I do. I didn't come out until I was 30 and I think this revelation was harder for him to accept than anyone else in my family. Fear for my eternal salvation as well as my future happiness fueled his anxiety but I feel that over the last 12 years he has seen my happiness with B and our boys and is making great strides in accepting us as a family.
But even so, he still does not understand my desire to marry B. Scripture was not thrown at me as we discussed the issue but I felt like it was just under the surface. I tried to explain the legal and financial ramifications (the fact that in the state of Virginia B has no legal rights to the boys if something were to happen to me)as well as the desire we have for our friends and family to witness in a very public forum our love for each other. And most importantly, for our boys to see us married- committed together forever. I think it is important for kids to feel that some things in life are permanent (although I am keenly aware of the divorce rates in this country).
Even with these explanations he would not voice his support. Why doesn't he get it? Is it the religious beliefs that he holds so close? Is it the fear that if Virginia allows us to marry that means other "less desirable" gays (in his eyes obviously) will also marry? We are hoping to have a ceremony next Spring in DC to officialy tie the knot but of course that paper will mean nothing in our state and community. It will mean something to us and our boys. I guess it will have to do until times change for the better. And lately, the times are changing. Let's hope it will happen in our lifetime.
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I hope and pray it will happen in your lifetime too, for you, and for many friends I care about. I am saddened by those who use religion as a tool to exclude and condemn. Personally, my God is much larger than that. God is love, and what you share with B obviously flows from that source. I hope some day your brother can accept your committment for what it is, it sounds to me like you are doing a great job of raising your sons and teaching them what commitment is about. Blessings to you all!
ReplyDeleteI hope it happens, not just in your lifetime, but very, very soon. I cannot imagine trying to, or thinking anyone has the right to, deny a loving couple the right to marry. Best wishes to you and B with your ceremony in the spring.
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